The move from secondary school to college or university is a major milestone, marked by many conflicting emotions felt by both students and their parents.
While exciting, this phase can also be challenging, and it’s a good idea to be proactive with mental wellness strategies, said Calissa Ngozi, award-winning speaker, professor, mental health expert, and author of The Oxygen Mask Mindset: Reclaiming Your Energy in a World that Glorifies Exhaustion.
The Centre for Addiction and Mental Health notes on its website that young adults aged 15 to 24 are at an increased risk for mental illness or substance abuse disorders. “As many as one in three experience some form of a mental health crisis, said Ngozi, “and whether it’s situational or clinical, it’s exasperated when there’s more stress involved.â€
Here, Ngozi offers advice for parents about how to best support their young student.
Calissa Ngozi, an award-winning speaker, professor and mental health expert.
ProvidedWhat sort of adjustment period should parents and kids expect when starting college or university?
It’s going to depend on the child themselves, and how old they are, their maturity level, and their ability to interact socially, but it can be super overwhelming.
I always encourage parents and teenagers to try and get involved in campus before school even starts — so frosh week and welcome events and things of that nature. It’s really important to be a part of that because you then become a part of the culture, and that will help with any sort of stress or anxiety that you might be experiencing.
As parents, you may have your own anxiety that you’re dealing with, and you don’t necessarily want that passed down to your child. It’s important as a caregiver that you’re mindful of your reactions. You really need to have a positive attitude and encourage your child because this is a really important next step.
What kinds of mental health challenges might kids experience in that first year?
Moving to post-secondary education can be a very overwhelming transition, and if you don’t have the coping skills and the coping mechanisms and tools to deal with stress, then that can lead to depression. It can lead to reclusion, isolation, and the things that once used to spark joy for someone may all of a sudden dissipate because they are just so overwhelmed that they don’t know how to deal with it.
Some kids might be moving away from home for the first time and now they’re responsible to either cook or go get their food, do their own laundry, clean up their dorm. Essentially, there are a lot of life skills and social skills that they are expected to know already, while also being in school, whether it’s part-time or full-time. In addition to that, some of them are working as well. It’s a lot and it can lead to burnout.
What red flags should parents watch for that may indicate their kid is struggling?
As a parent or a caregiver, you get your kid, you understand them, you know when something isn’t right. If your kid becomes reclusive, if you’re not hearing from them as much, if they’re not really interacting with family and friends, or if they’re struggling with their schoolwork, then those are definitely red flags to be mindful of, and you’ll want to make sure that they’re seeking assistance.
What questions can parents ask? How can they connect and get their kid to open up?
Sometimes it’s not what you say, but how you say it. So, you need to come at them with a non-judgmental approach. Start simple with, “How’s it going? How’s school? What are you liking? What are you not liking? Is there anything that you’re struggling with? Is there anything that I, as your caregiver, can help you with?â€
Sharing your own stories, if you have post-secondary experience, may be beneficial. For example, saying “When I was in school, this is what helped me.†Or, you might say to your child, “you know, have you talked to any of the other students that you go to school with or any friends? Because they might be going through some of the same issues and concerns, that you are.†Let them know it’s okay to talk about it.
How can parents encourage kids to be proactive regarding their mental wellness?
Encourage them to check in with themselves, whether it’s by journaling, using meditation, or through prayer, it’s important that they check in with their nervous system and see how they’re feeling. And be aware of available resources, whether it’s through school, through therapy, or through family or friends. Many colleges and universities offer free counselling for students.
What shouldn’t parents do?
Don’t ever bring up the fact that you’re paying a lot of money and that they need to suck it up. Don’t say, “I did it. Why can’t you do it?†Don’t do that. They are different people than who you are.
Ultimately, this is a big life transition. It’s okay to feel all the feels, just don’t live there. No one is expected to know it all. School is a learning environment, after all. So, encourage your child to reach out to professors, instructors, and people around them. Don’t be afraid to ask for help.
NOTE: This interview has been edited for length and clarity
