蚕听My boyfriend and I have been together for some time now, and it feels like he no longer wants to do the fun stuff we used to do together when we first started dating. At least not with me.
He complains he needs to save money and not spend so much, so we try to eat at home and not go out to eat. But this never seems to be an issue when he goes out with friends to eat or drink. When I suggest doing something like going to a concert or show he says the same thing. I have no problem paying for things or inviting him to come along and it be my treat. But the answer is still no.
The only time this changes is if his friends join us, so it’s not just the two of us. I know I can do these things with other people in my life but would prefer to share them with him. What do I do?
Something鈥檚 Changed
础听Yes, something has changed: your boyfriend鈥檚 feelings for you. I鈥檓 not trying to be unkind, but if a person makes blanket statements then changes their behaviour with other people it鈥檚 clear they鈥檙e no longer being honest with you.
For example, if your boyfriend insisted he needed to go to bed every night at 9 p.m. and therefore you two could never go out for drinks, or to a party, but he then went out with his mates until 11 p.m., that would be obvious, correct?
This is the same thing. Do not offer to take him to a show or pay for him at a restaurant. This is not about sharing the expense. This is about him not wanting to spend time with you alone. You could try talking to him, but I believe he鈥檚 going to string you along. I think you need to start seeing things more clearly.
蚕听We live on a great street with wonderful neighbours. We know many of them by name. When sitting on our porch having a glass of wine before dinner we will say hello and wave as many of them pass by, on their way home. Some will stop and chat for a few minutes, which is lovely and welcome.
There are a couple of them, though, who come right up to our steps and launch off on a monologue of how their day was, how their family is, segueing from one subject to the next without even allowing us to partake in the conversation. This can go on for up to 20 minutes until I finally make an excuse to leave, such as, 鈥淥h, I better check on dinner.鈥
It essentially ends our personal 鈥 and what should be private 鈥 time on our porch.
What do you think is the best approach to end this somewhat abusive behaviour?
Too Close
础听I鈥檓 not ‘blaming the victim’ but you invite the neighbourly camaraderie by saying hello and chatting with passersby on their way home from work. You don鈥檛 have a gate, so why wouldn鈥檛 they feel they can come a bit closer? And you initiated the conversation, so they鈥檙e just continuing it.
I鈥檓 not saying they鈥檙e not being intrusive and overstaying their welcome, and/or giving you more information than is necessary or interesting. But unfortunately, I don鈥檛 think you can put a timer on how long they can stay and chat.
You could engage in deeper conversation when you see those people approaching, and ideally they鈥檒l notice and just give a quick wave. You could also ‘receive’ an important call you ‘must’ take.
They鈥檙e not being abusive; they just need to let off steam and you鈥檙e the first stop.
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Reader 鈥淢any theatres/opera houses have booster cushions you can rent for the performance. When purchasing tickets, tell the box office about any special needs/ask their advice.
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