Opinion |
I dated a lot but never found love. At 38, I had a baby on my own. Five years later, I met a man at a party. I didn’t even get his name. Is he the one? Ask Lisi
Opinion
Based on the author鈥檚 interpretations and judgments of facts, data and events
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in Toronto. Send her relationship questions via email:聽lisi@thestar.ca
蚕听I dated different men all throughout my 20s but because of different life events, my 30s were a lonely time. By 38, I knew I wasn鈥檛 meeting the man of my dreams in time to create offspring with him, so I forged ahead and did it on my own. My biological clock was stronger than my need for a partner.
My parents were very involved and helpful and, though incredibly exhausting, my baby girl and I made it through. On her fifth birthday we were cleaning up from a party at a children鈥檚 play centre, after all the guests had left, when a man walked in with his little girl. He asked if we had just had a party, and when I said yes, he focused his attention on my daughter and wished her happy birthday. He then told me it was his daughter鈥檚 birthday party right after ours.
The girls were off in a corner playing while he helped me finish the cleanup, and I then helped him set up since his guests were about to arrive. We said our goodbyes and I left. That was about four months ago. But I can鈥檛 get this guy out of my mind.
ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW
How do I find him again?
Intrigued
础听I鈥檓 not sure you have enough information to know whether this man is available. If you do, you didn鈥檛 mention it in your letter. So let鈥檚 just assume he鈥檚 not married. You could call the party location and ask if they鈥檒l give you his number. If they don鈥檛, you could ask them to contact him on your behalf and give them permission to give him your contact information.
Unfortunately, if he doesn鈥檛 call, you鈥檒l never know if it鈥檚 because he didn鈥檛 want to or because they never actually bothered to call him on your behalf.
You didn鈥檛 mention in your letter if you even learned his name, his daughter鈥檚 name, if he was from the neighbourhood, or any other helpful information. If you have any information, it will be much easier to find him.
蚕听My son鈥檚 new soccer team is filled with new faces. My son is shy but a great player. He鈥檚 not outgoing, doesn鈥檛 attempt to make friendships but the team always loves him because he鈥檚 a winner. They鈥檝e played together now for two weeks (that鈥檚 four times together), and my son has made a new friend.
This boy seems lovely, also quiet and very polite. My son has just asked if after their practice and game on the weekend, he can come over. I said sure if it was fine with his parents and I asked my son to get his mom鈥檚 number so I could reach out.
I called her and left a voice message, and I texted her since I don鈥檛 know her preferred method of communication. That was on Tuesday. I reached out again by text only on Thursday. It鈥檚 Friday and I still haven鈥檛 heard anything from her. What do I do?
ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW
ARTICLE CONTINUES BELOW
Potential Playdate
础听Don鈥檛 stress over it. Hopefully you鈥檒l see her at the field and you can make a plan on the spot. Worst case scenario, he doesn鈥檛 show up to play. No playdate. Second-worst case, his mom says no. But more than likely, she鈥檒l say she was busy with whatever and forgot to get back to you. You鈥檒l exchange phone numbers and set a time for her to pick her son up.
Don鈥檛 worry about the small stuff.
FEEDBACK Regarding the grumpy girlfriend (Feb. 20):
Reader: 鈥淪peaking as someone who is a complete ogre in the morning, I agree with you that it鈥檚 his decision whether it鈥檚 a deal-breaker. But I think there are ways around their mismatch that can reduce the impact on their relationship. My husband and I have been together 12 years and have found ways to mitigate the effects of our differences.
鈥淚 shower, arrange my clothing and set up the coffee maker the night before. That makes mornings less stressful. I might still not be much of a conversationalist but it helps. We then arrange times to call each other during the day and have great afternoons and evenings together. He usually gets tired first, but I got him an eye mask so he鈥檚 not bothered by my reading.
鈥淎s much as a couple鈥檚 differing circadian rhythms can affect their relationship, it really doesn鈥檛 need to be a deal-breaker.鈥
Morning Ogre
Opinion articles are based on the author鈥檚 interpretations and judgments of facts, data and events. More details
Lisi Tesher is an advice columnist for the Star and based in
Toronto. Send her relationship questions via email:聽lisi@thestar.ca
To join the conversation set a first and last name in your user profile.
Sign in or register for free to join the Conversation