I pray McDonald鈥檚 never forgets the secret sauce on Donald Trump鈥檚 Big Mac.
He will sue Ronald for $1 trillion claiming taste bud interference and stomach defamation. When America鈥檚 divider-in-chief is not golfing, watching TV, rage posting, cratering the economy, sucking up to tyrants, grifting, lying through his veneers, stinking up compression socks or applying Sephora potions to the bruises on his hands, his go-to hobby is preposterous lawsuits.
I love birding. Trump loves suing.
The latest arrived this week with a $15 billion action against the New York Times.
It took a while to get through the 85-page complaint, mostly because I could not stop laughing. Who wrote and filed this in Florida on Monday? Alina Habba? The MyPillow guy? Lionel Hutz? This thing reads like a Mad Libs rally speech that is cleaved from reality.
In short: the NYT is a 鈥渄egenerate鈥 mouthpiece for the Democrats, one that has libeled the plaintiff by failing to acknowledge he is the greatest human in history. The Times engaged in election interference, even though the plaintiff won. The Times inflicted financial harm on the plaintiff, even though he and his family have pocketed billions since the election with sketchy ventures. Trump is mad the New York Times never loved him. He鈥檚 hurt they gave Kamala Harris a front-page endorsement. He is furious two NYT reporters named in the suit wrote a book 鈥 鈥淟ucky Loser: How Donald Trump Squandered His Father鈥檚 Fortune And Created The Illusion of Success鈥 鈥 that downplayed the success of 鈥淭he Apprentice.鈥
But this lawsuit isn鈥檛 about the New York Times or any cultural revisionism around 鈥淭he Apprentice.鈥 It’s about Trump鈥檚 war against the free press. He is emboldened as never before. He wants the 鈥渓egacy media鈥 to kneel down and kiss his cankles or off with their heads.
Any backtalk will be met with a backhand and vexatious litigation.
One of the great myths about Trump and his MAGA movement is that they are free speech warriors. The opposite was always true. The number of snowflakes in MAGA could restore climate equilibrium to the Arctic. Just look at the reaction to the horrific murder last week of Charlie Kirk.
Minutes after conservative activist Charlie Kirk was killed, the red hats were ascribing dark political motives and demanding liberals be closely monitored by Dear Leader鈥檚 thought police.
Elon Musk called the Democrats a 鈥減arty of murder鈥 鈥 before a suspect was arrested. Elmo truly is the most reactionary and reckless plutocrat imaginable. Trump and his adrenalized zombies vowed a dismantling of everyone and everything across the tribal divide. Stephen Miller put down his porcelain dolls and anti-immigrant manifestos to start dreaming up a new policy that may ultimately put every Trump critic in a gulag or re-education camp.
If Rachel Maddow doesn鈥檛 buy his next meme coin, she will be deported to Libya.
This is not America. It is the old Soviet Union.
A spokesperson for the Times was dismissive of Trump鈥檚 legal stunt: 鈥淭his lawsuit has no merit. It lacks any legitimate legal claims and instead is an attempt to stifle and discourage independent reporting.鈥
But stifle and discourage is聽exactly the point. Thanks to the unforgivable cowardice of media behemoths such as Paramount and Disney, which both settled equally meritless lawsuits, Trump believes he can intimidate and browbeat every newsroom into silent submission.
As he wrote on Monday: 鈥淚 am PROUD to hold this once respected 鈥榬ag鈥 responsible, as we are doing with the Fake News Networks such as our successful litigation against George Slopadopoulos/ABC/Disney, and 60 Minutes/CBS/Paramount, who knew that they were falsely 鈥榮mearing鈥 me through a highly sophisticated system of document and visual alteration, which was, in effect, a malicious form of defamation, and thus, settled for record amounts.鈥
Trump鈥檚 $15 billion lawsuit against the New York Times is yet another shakedown of the free press.
Time is running out for the media to stand its ground and stop running scared. If you give a bully your lunch money, he doesn鈥檛 buy chicken fingers and leave you alone. He comes back next week for more lunch money and maybe a quesadilla or strawberry shake. Eventually, you never eat lunch.
If the New York Times is on the side of democracy, it must defend itself and not cave in to any expedient impulses. When the lunatic-in-chief files a meritless lawsuit, the only appropriate response is a thundering eff off.
Trump is also suing the Wall Street Journal for, as it turns out, accurately reporting on a lewd doodle he allegedly contributed to the Jeffrey Epstein birthday book. Trump insists he never wrote the message nor sketched the silhouette of a young female body in which his distinct signature doubled as pubic hair. But come on, it鈥檚 so on brand.
The media is in a kinetic war with Donald J. Trump.
Either they fight or everyone loses.
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