蚕听My aunt has suffered some serious physical and mental health issues in her life. She lost a child at birth, and another to a tragic accident that also gravely injured her husband. She has suffered from depression, which isn鈥檛 surprising, considering.
She is the kindest, sweetest human and an amazing mom to her other two children. She also works full time and is beloved in her office. She went into menopause after needed surgery and is suffering from terrible symptoms. She has awful hot flashes where she starts dripping sweat, and doesn鈥檛 sleep from night sweats and other common menopausal sleep issues.
I did some research and suggested she speak to her doctor about hormone replacement therapy. But she鈥檚 afraid of the side effects. How can I get her to at least talk to someone and get all the information necessary to make the right decision?
Sweaty Auntie
A A friend was recently sharing information with me about how hot flashes come about. My research shows that hot flashes are caused by the lack of estrogen during menopause, which disrupts the hypothalamus, otherwise known as the brain鈥檚 thermostat. In other words, your brain starts to overheat and sends messages to your body on how to cool down, which includes sweating so the moisture can then cool you from the outside.
Hormone replacement therapy, or HRT, can be helpful to alleviate hot flashes and night sweats, but it does come with some risk and doesn鈥檛 work for everyone, depending on many factors. Tell your auntie that though it may not work for her, and may cause headaches, nausea and other side effects, prolonged hot flashes can affect her quality of life and increase the risk of cardiovascular disease and osteoporosis.
Book her an appointment with her doctor and accompany her so you can ensure she gets all of the information. In the end, it鈥檚 her decision alone to make. But I鈥檓 certain she鈥檒l appreciate your care and concern.
Q My husband is an exceptional cook and really enjoys it. However, he rarely accepts help in the kitchen, has trouble with executive functioning skills such as time management, and dinner is almost always an hour later than planned. On top of that, no matter how good anything tastes, he is dissatisfied with the outcome and blankets the meal with his own disappointment.
How do I get out from under this dark cloud? And how do I help him see that none of it is healthy 鈥 other than the meal itself?
Not Good Enough
A Your husband sounds very insecure and self-deprecating. Those are his problems, but they influence you. It鈥檚 hard to be with someone who is constantly negative. Not to state the obvious, but do you give him positive feedback about the food he鈥檚 created?
I believe your husband would benefit from some professional help. He may be experiencing anhedonia, which is defined as 鈥渢he inability to experience pleasure from activities that are normally enjoyable and rewarding.鈥
In the meantime, you could try to help him out by discussing the meal with him in advance. Say, for example, he鈥檚 making a lasagna. You could help him by preboiling the pasta, chopping the mushrooms, grating the cheese, etc. That could help with the time management.
As well, while eating, you could discuss the meal in detail聽鈥 as in, on a scale of one to 10, where does this fall for you, and where does it fall for me, and why. Deconstruct, make notes and recreate the dish. Once it gets to a 10, he can鈥檛 possibly complain. If he does, you could point out the issue.
FEEDBACK Regarding the old friends who are now enemies (June 10):
Reader:聽鈥淭he most logical explanation for the boyfriend’s sister reacting in that manner is, for some reason, she really, really doesn’t want her brother dating her now-former friend.聽 聽
鈥淪omeone needs to ask the sister why she doesn’t want her brother dating her old friend. It might be protectiveness, but it’s also possible that there is someone else waiting in the wings that the sister wants to match him up with, even if he鈥檚 not interested in this hypothetical other person and never will be. So she’s being rude to chase her old friend off. Like some fantasy fairy tale in the former friend’s head that she desperately wants manifested.聽
鈥淢ental and personality issues can manifest during the college years, which may explain why she changed so much since聽they saw each other last.鈥
Reader 2:聽鈥淪ome people get downright weird about their siblings dating their friends.鈥
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