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The girls know it鈥檚 daddy鈥檚 birthday soon and they鈥檝e already begun planning their gift and how they鈥檙e going to celebrate with him. The problem is, he hates it. All of it. The hoopla, the spotlight, the gifts, everything. But with his dislike comes a coldness I can鈥檛 bear.

How can I protect the children from his dark cloud?

Birthday Grinch

A Your husband clearly has an issue. It鈥檚 the antithesis of how you behave, think, feel about the same issue. No wonder it鈥檚 causing strife in your life.

Now, if it鈥檚 the only issue in which you two are so diametrically opposed, you could work through it. If, however, it鈥檚 one of many, you may be in for more marital trouble down the road.

I suggest you sit him down and talk to your husband. Have you ever really understood why he hates his birthday so much? Knowing his why could help you understand him better. You two could also seek professional counselling to help you work through this huge chasm, to figure out how to either find middle ground, or allow for each other鈥檚 extremes to live together harmoniously. Also, if he can vocalize why he hates birthdays, perhaps the marriage counsellor could help steer him towards a personal therapist to work through his issue, if applicable.

I鈥檓 also unclear as to whether he hates all birthdays and is a grinch for yours and the children鈥檚, or just his own. If the latter, it鈥檒l be easier to work with; if the former, this is an ongoing issue that needs to be addressed before it tears your family apart.

Q I just found out one of my friends 鈥� not a very close friend, but a decent friend 鈥� has thrown me under the bus regarding another friend. Apparently, she told our mutual friend I was interested in dating that person鈥檚 ex, and that鈥檚 why I wasn鈥檛 at her annual end-of-summer bash.

Neither of those things are true, but now I know why our mutual friend has been ghosting me. I don鈥檛 have any interest in her ex and I’ve just recently started seeing someone new who I was maybe going to bring to the bash. Unfortunately, my mother got COVID, and I needed to help take care of my brother鈥檚 kids as he was away and my mom was babysitting. Trust me, I would have rather been at the party.

I鈥檝e tried to speak to both women, but neither will return my calls or texts. What gives?

Run Over

A This ‘friend’ sounds like anything but. I think you should be grateful they aren鈥檛 returning your calls. As for the mutual friend, they鈥檙e obviously being hugely influenced by this other person.

It鈥檚 up to you: if you don鈥檛 care that much about the relationship, let it go. They don鈥檛 seem to have your best interests at heart. If you do care, find them in person and explain. What they do with the information is out of your control, but at least you know you made your best efforts.

FEEDBACK Regarding the friends鈥� night out (June 14):

Reader:聽鈥淚nteresting that you didn鈥檛 comment on the context 鈥� i.e., just how smart is it to get inebriated on a night out? Adulting means thinking about possible consequences beforehand.聽Offending a friend or two is hardly the worst thing that could happen.鈥�

Lisi:聽It鈥檚 not my place to judge. That wasn鈥檛 the issue.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman put on standby while her two kids got seats (June 16):

Reader:聽鈥淭o minimize the chances of this happening:

1) Pay extra and book your seats when you book your flight; 2) Check in online 24 hours before your flight. Don鈥檛 wait until you get to the airport; you鈥檒l have a better choice of seats; and 3) If you do get put on standby, don鈥檛 scream at the airline staff. This is very abusive especially when it鈥檚 not their fault and they鈥檙e just trying to do their job.鈥�