蚕听My sister moved to Los Angeles to pursue her dream of acting. She鈥檚 pretty and has a killer figure and she鈥檚 smart. But she鈥檚 not that talented. I think she recognizes her limitations but doesn鈥檛 let that stop her. I admire her perseverance.
She found a cute rental, got herself a job in a popular restaurant during the day and a club at night and is slogging away to pay the rent. Meanwhile, she goes to audition after audition. It鈥檚 been six months and nothing.
I鈥檓 going to visit her soon and I鈥檓 excited to see her, to hang out in LA.., to eat at the restaurant and party at her club. But I鈥檓 worried my parents will want me to bring her home, that she thinks I鈥檓 only coming to take her home, and that she won鈥檛 be relaxed while I鈥檓 there.
How honest should I be with her?
Sweet Sis
础听I鈥檓 not sure why you think it鈥檚 your place to sit in judgment on your sister. From your description, she sounds like she’s self-sufficient, a hard-worker and realistic. She鈥檚 not trolling for a sugar daddy or shocked she isn鈥檛 besties with Kylie Jenner. She鈥檚 pursuing her dream and keeping herself afloat in the meantime.
Who are you to burst her bubble?
If you get there and find a depressed soul who鈥檚 been lying about her jobs, living in squalor, then yes, you can say something. But if she鈥檚 living the way she says she鈥檚 living, why can鈥檛 you just support her? And if she never makes the big screen but finds her own path, why would you throw her an 鈥淚 told you so?鈥
Be proud of your sister. Support her. Learn from her tenacity and determination.
蚕听I鈥檓 a retired civil servant, widowed, living with my young adult daughter and her boyfriend. He鈥檚 a fitness guru and nutritionist while working crazy hours as a paramedic. She鈥檚 a lawyer, working downtown, but sometimes works from home. On those days we enjoy lunch together. Often, we just make a salad or a soup.
Sometimes we revert to the days when she was a little girl and I was a newly single parent and we eat bread with butter and jam. But somehow, her boyfriend finds out and reprimands us for our lack of healthy nutritional choices.
She and I laugh about it, but he gets quite upset. I appreciate his caring and concern but I find it a bit controlling. I鈥檓 worried he鈥檚 too controlling in his nature and won鈥檛 make a good partner/husband for my daughter, or a father for their future children.
Am I right to be concerned?
Nutritionally Challenged
础听Every father worries about their daughter and the quality of their future mate. It鈥檚 your job as a dad. Also, from where you stand, you see things differently than she does 鈥 that鈥檚 natural.
But in the scheme of things, showing concern over your nutrition (and hers), and caring over what you鈥檙e both eating is thoughtful on his part, and not a deal-breaker.
However, if his care and concern come out in a controlling manner, then yes, there is reason for you to be worried. Take a step back. Now that you know the signs, watch him for other areas of control. If you don鈥檛 see it in any other area of life, let it go. This is what鈥檚 important to him, which is not surprising since he鈥檚 a nutritionist.
Or do you see it now all the time? If so, I suggest you speak with your daughter. Try to get her to see it for herself. She鈥檒l close her eyes if you force it upon her.
Then let her figure it out, knowing you鈥檙e there to support her.
FEEDBACK Regarding the too-young couple (Feb. 8):
Reader: 鈥淗ave relaxed casual conversations. But ask probing question and monitor both of their reactions. Ask questions regarding finances, cost of living, bank accounts and their savings. Ask if they鈥檝e thought about who pays for what, what happens when one becomes unemployed, or an unexpected pregnancy occurs. Ask them about their expectations/desires for children, their thoughts on their wedding ceremony, and their views on a pre-nuptial agreement. Have they thought about what happens if the marriage doesn鈥檛 work out?
鈥淭he goal is to trigger serious discussions between the young couple. To get them thinking not just about the excitement of their love now, but about the future and how to maintain their marriage.
鈥淧lus, are they planning to live together first? They need real life experience, outside of their parents鈥 homes.
鈥淚 wish them luck, but they need more thoughtful planning.鈥
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