蚕听My good friend is extremely politically minded; I am not. He is also very opinionated about the things he has studied and believes in. I am not interested in those things, so have no information. We see each other at least once a week, either at the gym, out with mutual friends or at an event we鈥檙e both attending. We run in very similar circles.
Whenever we see each other he lights in on me. I don鈥檛 know if anything he鈥檚 saying is 鈥渞ight鈥 or not, but I don鈥檛 want to get into it. I鈥檇 rather talk about sports or movies or shows on Netflix.
I like him a lot, I just don鈥檛 want to talk about the things he wants to jam down my throat all the time. How do I deal with this?
Not so opinionated
础听I suggest you tell your friend that hitting you over the head (not literally) with his opinions is doing the opposite of what he鈥檚 hoping to accomplish. Instead of swaying you to his beliefs, he鈥檚 driving you further away. Ask him to give you the dumbed-down version of what he鈥檚 so focused on. Not because you鈥檙e unintelligent, but because too many details become information overload and then everything loses shape.
For example, say he鈥檚 a staunch vegan and that鈥檚 what his focus is: to try to get everyone to eat vegan. Ask him to explain why, what the benefits are etc. Hear him out. Once. The next time you see him, have your reason for agreeing or disagreeing 鈥 whatever it is 鈥 and tell him.
Then say something to the effect of, 鈥淵ou have your beliefs, and I heard you out. I have mine. Let鈥檚 accept each other鈥檚 beliefs and move on to another topic.鈥
If he can鈥檛/won鈥檛/doesn鈥檛, you may have to take a break from him.
蚕听My wife has a male friend, whom I have met, who she sees a few times a year. For some reason he doesn鈥檛 know we are a married couple, even though we鈥檝e been together for eight years and have a child. Whenever I mention to my wife that it seems strange he doesn鈥檛 know about our relationship, she brushes it off by saying he isn鈥檛 that close a friend. However, they have spent a good amount of time together.
I want her to tell him about me, and I don鈥檛 know why she won鈥檛. She says when they are together they mostly talk about his life and not hers. For context, we are a same-sex couple.
Is it wrong for me to feel uncomfortable about this, especially since we live in gay-friendly 海角社区官网and she seems to be otherwise comfortable sharing her sexual orientation?
What should I do?
Married with Kid
础听I don鈥檛 think it鈥檚 wrong for you to feel uncomfortable at all. Before you mentioned you were a same-sex couple I had the same reaction 鈥 that this 鈥渟ecrecy鈥 is inappropriate and unfair to you. Is she ashamed to be gay? Is she ashamed of your relationship? If the answer is yes to either of those, then she needs help figuring out who she is, who she wants to be, and whether your marriage is part of that.
If it鈥檚 just this guy, then I think you have every right to call her out and force her hand on the issue. That鈥檚 how I would feel if my significant other 鈥 of any sexuality 鈥 were to keep our relationship 鈥渉idden鈥 from someone.
I also wonder if she thinks this guy will have a problem with her being gay, your marriage, etc. If so, why does she want to still be friends with him? This calls for a conversation between you and your partner.
FEEDBACK Regarding dog days (Feb. 7):
Reader 1: 鈥淚t is always someone鈥檚 business to speak up for animals if we believe they may be at risk. Her neighbour may have good intentions; however, it sounds like the situation is out of control (i.e. too many dogs, overwhelming smell). It appears her mental health and the health of all the dogs she鈥檚 fostering may also be at risk.
鈥淭he letter writer needs to contact her local SPCA and voice her concerns.鈥
Reader 2: 鈥淎t least 12 dogs in one house with an overwhelming stench emanating from that house? The neighbour should call her local SPCA branch. It鈥檚 unlikely she鈥檚 fostering these dogs, but regardless of that issue, dogs should not be this crowded nor should they be living in sufficient filth to create a shocking smell that can be sensed by people at the front door.鈥
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