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I鈥檓 not sure I can handle this. What do you suggest?

Odd job

础听I鈥檓 going to assume your boyfriend can separate work from pleasure 鈥� literally. He鈥檇 have to have that ability or conversely he鈥檇 find personal pleasure in every patient, which is highly unprofessional. Medicine is a broad subject with many specialized areas of study. If he鈥檚 fascinated by women and their bodies, then allow him to study us. We need good doctors who care about how our insides work, change and evolve and who want to help us when we have medical issues.

But have a mature conversation with him. Tell him how it makes you feel. Try to get him to put himself in your shoes, just opposite. Ask him how he would feel if you spent all day every day looking at, poking, prodding and touching other men鈥檚 penises. He should ‘get it.’

If you are in this relationship for the long haul, then you鈥檒l need to discuss how your feelings may change throughout your life, and how he can assuage any worries you may have now and/or later.

蚕听My husband and I married with the full understanding and agreement that neither of us wanted to have children. Our friends supported us because they鈥檝e known us long enough, as adults, to know that鈥檚 how we truly felt. We both have nieces and nephews whom we absolutely adore, enjoy spending time with, and spoil. But we just weren鈥檛 up for parenting ourselves.

I say 鈥渨ere鈥� because my husband has changed his tune. We鈥檝e been married six very happy years, and the topic has come up every now and then, always brought up by others, but quickly shut down by both of us. Until this last time.

My husband鈥檚 sister just had a miscarriage while pregnant with their second child. They had an easy first pregnancy, no complications but had trouble getting pregnant with the second. Then they lost the baby. My husband and his sister are very close, and this just rocked my husband to the core. He came home from visiting her at the hospital, with his niece who is (happily) staying with us, distraught. After we put her to bed, he came to me weepy and forlorn saying he鈥檇 changed his mind and now wants a baby more than anything in the world.

I was so shocked, I didn鈥檛 respond. I just hugged him while he cried. What do I say?

Happy Couple, No Kids

础听You say what鈥檚 in your heart 鈥� and only you know what that is. But first, check in with your husband. Was he overcome with emotion so much so that he lost his personal balance? Has he recovered, or has he been permanently swayed? No judgment 鈥� he may have been so verklempt by his sister鈥檚 pain that he felt that was his only recourse. Or, he may have changed his tune.

Figure out what he wants and then dig deep. If he wants a child, could you be moved to change your mind? Or is this a deal-breaker? It鈥檚 your life and you need to be comfortable in your decision 鈥� because it鈥檚 permanent.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple with pole issues (Feb. 15):

Reader: 鈥淣owhere does she mention how long she has dated him. Could be two months for all we know. So yes, she could possibly be missing something. She should talk to him, perhaps pick another date to celebrate just the two of them.

鈥淢ost importantly, to this possibly young relationship, please don鈥檛 take everything personally. In this case, it鈥檚 about him doing what he prefers to do on his birthday. Probably nothing more.

鈥淯ntil a couple are serious, maybe even living together or engaged, just let issues go until you鈥檝e talked them through. Just talk to him and maybe come to an agreement to pick a different day for some sexy time. People celebrate birthdays sometimes three times in the same week. It doesn鈥檛 have to be on the exact date.鈥�