蚕听I鈥檓 thinking of asking my girlfriend to marry me, but it鈥檚 a big ask. I just got a special job halfway across the world from my parents and just as far away from hers. She would be leaving all our family and friends behind. I don鈥檛 think my position in my current location is permanent, but I can鈥檛 promise her that we鈥檒l 鈥済o home鈥 after a year or two or even three. I鈥檓 not sure what I would say if I were in her position. But I know if I don鈥檛 ask her, I鈥檒l lose her forever.
What do you think?
On the brink
础听I think I don鈥檛 have enough information to make an educated guess. However, it sounds to me as though you have everything to lose by not asking, and nothing to lose by popping the question.
She knows the situation. She鈥檒l follow her heart, depending on her life and how she spends her days. Can she just up and leave her job? Can she get a job wherever you鈥檙e going? If she鈥檚 on a career trajectory and this will end that, she may say no based on the work she鈥檚 put in to get where she鈥檚 going.
Based on the little information I have, I鈥檓 going to suggest you take the risk and ask her. If you don鈥檛, you鈥檒l never know and there goes that relationship. If you ask and she says no, then you know you tried. If you ask and she says yes, then you have some planning to do.
Wishing you good luck!
蚕听I never thought I鈥檇 get married or have the chance to have children. I dated men and had a few very intense relationships but they all fizzled out. As the years passed, my friends were all getting married, having children and moving ahead with their lives. I remained single. All I ever wanted was to be a mom.
Everyone tried to set me up with their friends, cousins, brothers-in-law, but no one clicked. I resigned myself to a life different than the one I had envisioned.
Then one day, I walked into a bakery and got caught in a conversation with a man buying croissants. We chatted for so long I missed my dentist appointment! We fell in love quickly, married quickly and tried to have a family. It didn鈥檛 work. Our combined biological clocks had expired. Through much effort and several failed attempts, we managed to foster and then adopt a baby boy.
I am living my dream. But I hear a lot of chatter from women who call themselves feminists that I shouldn鈥檛 have tried so hard. That obviously I wasn鈥檛 meant to get married or be a mother. That if I had just let things be, I should have been happy.
Who are they to judge me?
Happy but Judged
础听No one has the right to sit in judgment over you. If your dream was to be married and be a mother, then you did everything in your power to realize that dream. Why is that different then if your dream was to be a doctor? If you had to take course after course, move to another country to get into med school, take your first job in some remote village where they needed a doctor, you would have done all that and more, and no one would have said anything negative.
Your dream is yours to dream and turn into reality, no matter what that takes. Those women who call you out are either jealous or nasty, or both. Don鈥檛 pay any attention.
You are living your best life. Enjoy it!
FEEDBACK Regarding the theft during the home renovation (Feb. 18):
Reader: 鈥淗ow did the general contractor respond when you called? They hired the subcontractors, the alleged thieves, but any legal action would be taken against them since the renovation contract is with them.
鈥淎bsolutely contact law enforcement and a lawyer. But also make a formal complaint to the Better Business Bureau and public opinion sites, such as HomeStars.
鈥淭ry to compile as detailed a list as possible of everything that was in the boxes. I would also contact the sister who may be able to help regarding the items she wanted. Try to also assign value to each item.
鈥淚mmediately stop all payments to the contractor. This is considered a breach of contract. What is the contractor willing to offer as compensation?
鈥淗omeStars is Canada鈥檚 largest network of verified and community-reviewed home service professionals, according to Google. In addition to making a complaint and reporting the issue, you鈥檒l need to find a new contractor to finish the job.鈥
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