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You may be wondering how I can be so smug in my fandom: after all, something something 1967. You also may be thinking that this kind of raillery is unsuited to the times: facing economic and existential threats from the United States, we should all pull together to support Canadian teams. Hockey, as telecom and gambling companies love to tell us, is our game.

To the first point, I鈥檇 argue that if the Leafs have had 58 years to win a 14th Cup, then hockey fans have equally had 58 years to come up with better jokes. To the second: I submit that the project of underscoring Canada鈥檚 strength and sovereignty is better served by maintaining, and maybe even intensifying, our intranational rivalries 鈥� and in that spirit, I hope every Canadian team loses but mine.

The notion of supporting Canadian teams as some sort of civic duty pre-dates Donald Trump鈥檚 presidencies. Exactly when it started is unclear, yet why it started seems obvious: broadcasters want you to watch as many games as possible, and they鈥檙e aware that appealing to patriotism is an effective way of getting you to do so. In their ideal world, all seven Canadian teams would make the playoffs, but none of them would actually win: if they did, it would be harder to continue rallying viewers around the idea of bringing the Cup 鈥渉ome.鈥� (Lucky for them, it鈥檚 been 32 years since my most-loathed NHL team, the Montreal Canadiens, did so.)

You can set aside the anti-capitalist cynicism for now, though. You can even set aside the fact that no hockey-based pan-Canadian goodwill would ever extend to the Leafs, given that dumping on 海角社区官网for no reason is practically a national pastime. The important thing is that what we really mean when we say hockey is 鈥渙ur game鈥� is that it鈥檚 not 鈥渢heir game,鈥� and any conviction that we need to bring the Cup 鈥渉ome鈥� must be predicated on the belief that it鈥檚 currently AWOL.

But the U.S. hasn鈥檛 tried to claim hockey as its own. Outside of four or five states, it鈥檚 a niche sport there, and your average American is liable to think the Stanley Cup is some variety of travel mug. Canada is faced with a gigantic bully, and that bully simply does not care about hockey. All the 鈥渙ur game鈥� and 鈥渂ring it home鈥� messaging does is reinforce the idea, even if only among ourselves, that we care what the U.S. thinks about us. And as every middle-schooler knows, that is not how you project strength.

鈥淥ur old relationship with the United States, a relationship based on steadily increasing integration, is over,鈥� said Prime Minister Mark Carney again last week. He was speaking in the economic sense, but he might as well have been talking about our self-image. We鈥檝e always had a tendency to define Canadianness as an absence of Americanness, and we鈥檝e always been worse off for it.

鈥淐anadian鈥� is not a relative term. What it denotes is absolute, and what it conveys is up to us. We are Canadians no matter who occupies the White House, free to rag on any hockey team we like. It鈥檚 as a Canadian that I feel superior when the Canucks play the Leafs at 4 p.m. Vancouver time because (I assume) it鈥檚 more convenient for 海角社区官网viewers, and it鈥檚 as a Canadian that I take glee in watching the Edmonton Oilers flop year after year despite having the best player in the world. Indeed, it鈥檚 as a Canadian that I sometimes remember the Calgary Flames exist.

I hope every hockey fan in the country roasts me for this op-ed. Nothing could be more patriotic.