Q A longtime acquaintance of mine walks around with a chip on his shoulder the size of the planet. His smile, when I see him, comes with a slight dig; his warmth, when he asks about my family, has a slight chill. I鈥檓 in my early 70s. I鈥檝e known this guy since we were in grade school.
We were never best friends, I never dated his sister or stole one of his girlfriends, and our areas of business and expertise never cross paths. We have few friends in common but, of course, we know many of the same people from back when we were kids and into high school.
Why does he act as though I wronged him way back when? And if I did, which I honestly don鈥檛 believe I ever had the opportunity, why doesn鈥檛 he just come right out and say something?
I know I shouldn鈥檛 let it bother me, but it does.
Chip
A I believe it bothers you for the exact reason you don鈥檛 understand from where it originates. What I mean is, if you had bullied the guy back in the day, you鈥檇 know why he has a chip. And I believe you have already dug deep to see if you could unearth a long-lost memory. But if I鈥檓 wrong, get to it.
So assuming you really have no idea, and you really believe there鈥檚 nothing behind it that particularly pertains to you, then I suggest the next time you see him, ask him. Point blank. 鈥淗ey, old friend, why do you have such a chip on your shoulder when you see me?鈥
Be prepared to hear what he has to say, but after this long, you can take your time to respond. I honestly believe this is the only way you鈥檒l get over it. I would also say avoid him, but it sounds as though you just bump into him now and again.
Q My brother has started dating a small-time celebrity and I鈥檓 very happy for him that he seems to have found someone who he really cares for and vice versa. I met this person once and got a great vibe from them.
However, their celebrity status is about to skyrocket as they just had a bit part in a movie that wasn鈥檛 expected to get great reviews and yet became a huge hit. I鈥檓 excited for them, and I鈥檓 excited for my brother because he鈥檚 so proud of his new boyfriend.
I鈥檓 just worried this person is going to break my brother鈥檚 heart and leave him in the dust. How can I protect my brother but maintain neutrality until my prediction comes true?
Worried Sib
A Wait, you鈥檙e predicting this new person will break your brother鈥檚 heart even though you don鈥檛 have any hint anything like that is happening? Put your predictions back in your pocket, please. There鈥檚 no need to create a negative self-fulfilling prophecy that will have an unhappy outcome for your brother.
You barely know this person. Maybe they have their head screwed on properly, really like your brother and believe they can manage their new-found celebrity while still maintaining a healthy relationship with him. Wouldn鈥檛 that be the better outcome to wish for?
And if, by a mere coincidence, your prediction comes true please, whatever you do, please do not say 鈥淚 told you so鈥 to your brother. If you really want to be a caring sibling, allow him his space to learn and love, support him throughout his journey, through the good and the bad times, because there will be both. But hopefully, more good than bad.
FEEDBACK Regarding the fashion commentator (June 20):
Reader:聽鈥淟oved your advice today to the woman who criticized the fashion industry and people who follow trends. This woman’s friend wanted to wear the latest pale-yellow colour which didn’t suit her. As you said, fashion is fun and whimsy. Don’t judge others.聽If a garment makes you feel good, then wear it.聽
鈥淚 am 80 years old and still love fashion. It makes me feel young and alive. Some friends like my style, others ask me with disdain why I am such a fashion maven? Because it makes me feel young and relevant. Why should I go around looking frumpy? It is good energy to try and look your best.鈥
Fashionista in Toronto
FEEDBACK Regarding sister afraid of heights (June 24):
Reader: 鈥淵our answer was spot on but maybe add that 鈥榝riends鈥 who 鈥榗ajole her into doing things she simply is incapable of doing鈥 aren鈥檛 鈥榝riends鈥 at all.鈥
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