Can you tell me how to get, how to get away from Sesame Street?
It doesn鈥檛 sound like a fun place these days. Elmo recently emerged as a group therapist. Now Cookie Monster is complaining about consumer economics. How long until a vaccine-hesitant Oscar the Grouch contracts measles or Big Bird tackles heightism with a hot take on diversity, equity and inclusion? Bert and Ernie? Are you or are you not gay?
I鈥檓 not sure if children can absorb the social messaging that leaks out of the Sesame Workshop. But grown-ups can relate to Cookie Monster鈥檚 complaint this week when he tweeted: 鈥淢e hate shrinkflation! Me cookies are getting smaller.鈥
We all hate shrinkflation, Cookie. The stealth sneakiness is grating.
You don鈥檛 need to be a consumer advocate to know that paying the same for less is a rip-off. You wouldn鈥檛 buy a new car at MSRP if it suddenly came with three tires and one door. You would expect to be notified if your new dentures were missing teeth.
But our grocery stores are a Wild West of fluctuating volumes and weights and size counts. Walking through the aisles can feel like 鈥淕ulliver鈥檚 Travels.鈥 You almost need an app and QR code to measure the rip-offs in real time.
Shrinkflation is also creeping into restaurants. After attending the AutoShow, my wife and I ducked out for a quick bite. It was quick because there were few bites. I could have removed my glasses and scooped calamari onto both lenses with bifocal room to spare.
The CBC published a story last month about how Canadians are 鈥渇ed up鈥 with shrinkflation. Examples included a bottle of Dawn Platinum that mysteriously now had 10 per cent less dish soap and a bag of Redpath sugar that went from two to 1.5 kilograms for the same cost.
found 48 per cent of respondents in 33 countries believe it is 鈥渦nacceptable for businesses and retailers to reduce the size of their products while keeping the price the same 鈥︹
Yes, it is unacceptable to pay full price for Halloween and travel sizes. You wouldn鈥檛 check into a hotel room that had no bed. That鈥檚 why other countries are legislating transparency. As the CBC reported: 鈥淗ungary and South Korea will soon join Brazil in mandating companies note on packaging when they shrink a product. France is aiming to follow suit.鈥
But in Canada all we get is crickets. Justin Trudeau does not care if a sleeve of Oreos is shrinking like a Mimosa pudica.
Manufacturers are capable of dynamic labelling because, when it goes the other way, they emblazon a package overnight with, 鈥淣ow 25 Per Cent More!鈥
Canada should one-up Hungary, South Korea, Brazil and France and start regulating the size of products. I call this the Eggs Rule. When you buy a carton, you just peak inside to make sure there are no cracked shells. You don鈥檛 count. You know you are getting a dozen. Farmers also can鈥檛 use a space gun to shrink the size of an egg.
An omelette from any decade has the same basic dimensions as today.
Why can鈥檛 we have standardized sizing for all foodstuff? Let the scientists figure out ideal measurements. I have no clue why the most popular bottle of Grey Goose is 750 ml. All I know is if they charged me the same price for, say, 719 ml, I would throw a Molotov cocktail through the window of my local LCBO.
Analysis from CNN: 鈥淐ookie Monster is apparently feeling the pain of high prices and an elevated cost of living, which have led to, among other things, the downsizing of certain consumer goods without an accompanying drop in price.鈥
Cookie Monster may also be feeling the pain of diabetes due to his diet. But the point about cost of living is accurate. That鈥檚 why shrinkflation is so annoying.
But we can kill it with standardized sizing.
Henceforth, a Dorito must be an isosceles triangle with a surface area of at least 4 cm. A loaf of bread is 25 slices 鈥 and no more end slices. Nobody eats them. Ice cream is sold per 1.5 quart depending on how sad you are. Enough with the sleight of hand, H盲agen-Dazs. I am concerned about the possibility of a second Donald Trump term and this mini-tub of Dulce de Leche is not hitting the spot.
Pick a number, Big Banana. We consumers are done with bunch variance.
Unrelated, but kind of related. I also demand R&D into produce bags. Why can鈥檛 I open those stupid bags? They鈥檝e got me standing like a moron in front of parsley or cilantro and frantically rubbing my fingers on plastic like an impotent genie. A female shopper at Sobeys giggled as I was struggling the other day and told me I need to wet the bag. No, Madam! I do not want to live in a country where I must lick bags that hang in a communal cylinder or pay the same $6.99 for 30 per cent fewer Pringles.
Cookie Monster鈥檚 solution: 鈥淕uess me going to have to eat double da cookies!鈥
That鈥檚 what da cookie companies want. Cookie Monster, don鈥檛 be da blue fool.
The only way to get rid of the bad taste of shrinkflation is with regulations.
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